I created this piece with colored pencil and markers to highlight what I have learned through my journey with scrupulosity. Scrupulosity is a brain disorder I was born with that has ego-dystonic obsessions (i.e. intrusive thoughts, impulses, and behaviors that are felt to be repugnant, distressing, unacceptable or inconsistent with one’s self-concept) related to God and morality followed by compulsions (purposeful physical and mental behaviors and actions performed) to try to relieve the anxiety from the intrusive thoughts. You will notice a vine in this piece on the right hand side. It is representative of my journey, and has a cross at the foundation. This represents my life and shows where my foundation has always been even when I couldn’t see it: in Christ alone. Over my 32 year battle with this illness I have learned that, since Christ is the foundation of my vine, I can indeed “bee” uncertain and loved. Everyday I take a leap of faith; my vine is full of fruit in all different life cycles and seasons, yet I remain deeply rooted in our Almighty Father. I have discovered that the more I rely on Christ, the less uncertainty I have in the things of this world, and the more at peace I am with my own life. May we all “bee” uncertain and know that we are beloved. 

If you want to see more of Erika’s art, visit her website at https://linktr.ee/scrupulocd_kc!